217 Best Dad Jokes For Kids

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Children like to spend some time with their fathers. Funny jokes can be helpful for them. Here is the list of some best dad jokes.

1 to 40 Best Dad Jokes

1. Did you know that bees are actually allergic to pollen? They break out in hives.

2. I asked 10 people what LGTBQ standed for… Couldn’t get a straight answer!

3. I can’t find my ‘Gone in 60 seconds’ DVD. It was here a minute ago.

4. I had a great joke about COVID… but I don’t wanna spread it around.

5. I once got fired from a canned juice factory. Apparently I couldn’t concentrate.

6. I told my wife she needs to start embracing her mistakes. So she hugged me.

7. I’m really excited for the amateur autopsy club I just joined. Tuesday is open Mike night!

8. If sweet dreams are made of cheese… Who am I to dis-a-brie?

Read: Corny Jokes

9. My son got angry when I told him “Sky is the limit for you”.

10. My wife and I let astrology get between us. It Taurus apart.

11. Thinking of having my ashes stored in a glass urn. Remains to be seen.

12. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.

13. What do call a criminal landing an airplane? ConDescending.

14. What do you call Bill Gates when he’s flying? A Bill-in-air.

15. What do you call Father Christmas in an orange suit? Fanta Claus.

16. What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account? Prime mates.

17. What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle.

18. What is the scariest tree? BamBOO!

19. What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper? A fizzician.

20. What language do people speak in the middle of the earth? Core-ean

21. Where do you find a cow with no legs? Wherever you left it.

22. Who is the most lonely billionaire? Alone musk.

23. Why are bakers so rich? They make so much dough.

24. Why can’t you send a duck to space? Because the bill would be astronomical.

25. Why did Karen press Ctrl+Shift+Delete? Because she wanted to see the task manager.

26. Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia with a Mastercard? Because his Visa didn’t work.

27. Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.

28. Why do standup comedians perform poorly in Hawaii? Because the audience only responds in a low ha.

29. Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt? Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.

30. A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here.’

31. A large fortune.

32. Did you hear about the cheese that’s been working out? Dude’s shredded

33. How did the pirate get his ship so cheap? It was on sail..

34. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.

35. How does a non-binary samurai kill people? They/Them.

36. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

37. I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available.

38. I finally got around to watching that documentary on clocks. It was about time.

39. I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.

40. I’m starting a flight company exclusively for bald people, I’ll call it… Receding airlines.

41 to 85 Best Dad Jokes

41. I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.

42. It’s brave to admit you have an STD. Always clap for those folks!

43. It’s Christmas Eve.

44. My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

45. My therapist told me I have problems with verbalising my emotions. Can’t say I’m suprised.

46. She looked up and whispered, “They’re right behind you”.

47. The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.

48. To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

49. Vin Diesel eats two meals a day. Breakfast and breakfurious.

50. What did Adam say to his GF on the 24th of December?

51. What did the big flower say to the tiny flower? “Hey there bud!”

52. What did the Japanese cannibal eat for dinner? Raw men

53. What did the shy pebble wish for? That he was a little boulder.

54. What do you call a beehive without an exit? UnBeeLeaveable!

55. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO.

56. What do you call a mom who turns into a dad? Transparent.

57. What do you call a zombie who cooks stir fries? Dead man wok-ing

58. What do you call an obese psychic? A four-chin teller.

59. What do you need to make a small fortune on Wall Street?

60. Which cat is the least loyal? A cheetah.

61. Whoever stole my depression medication: I hope you’re happy.

62. Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.

63. Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.

64. Why did Hitler wear eye glasses? Because without them he could Nazi.

65. Did you hear about the french general who stepped on a landmine? Napoleon Blown Apart.

66. Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun? She was a Roman Catholic.

67. How do you get a farm girl to like you? A tractor.

68. I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. Thats how I lost my job as a bus driver.

69. I had a fun childhood. My dad used to push me down the hill in old tires. They were Goodyears.

70. I named my dog “5 miles.” So that I could frequently say, “I am going to walk 5 miles now.”

71. I saw a 1000 year old oil stain… It was from ancient Greece.

72. I was in a grocery store when a man started to throw cheese, butter and yoghurt at me. How Dairy!

73. I was researching about Atheism. Turns out it’s a non-prophet organization.

74. I wasn’t expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind. It really came out of the purple.

75. I went to a seafood disco last week! Pulled a mussel!

76. I’m finally upgrading from 1080p to 4K in January. It’s my new years resolution.

77. Just paid $200 for a belt that doesn’t fit! What a huge waist!

78. My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work…

79. She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up

80. SpongeBob may be the main character of the show. But Patrick is the star.

81. The guy who stole my diary died yesterday. My thoughts are with his family.

82. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here! I’m going on ahead.

83. What do you call a flying priest? A bird of pray.

84. What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.

85. What do you call a magician who loses his magic? Ian.

86 to 132 Best Dad Jokes

86. What do you call a typo on a headstone? A grave mistake.

87. What group of people never get angry? Nomads.

88. What happens to Jason Momoa once he dies? He becomes Jason Nomoa.

89. What happens when you don’t pay your exorcist? You get repossessed.

90. What’s the easiest way to burn 1000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.

91. What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination? “Hand eeeeeyeeeee……”

92. Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the boat doc.

93. Where do terrorists go when they die? Everywhere.

94. Why do astronauts use linux? because you can’t open windows in space.

95. Why do balloons hate Ed Sheeran concerts? They are afraid of pop music.

96. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots…

97. Why does Sherlock Holmes love Mexican restaurants? They give him good case ideas.

98. Why don’t restaurants serve noodles after 10:00 PM? It’s pasta bedtime.

99. Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet? They looked at the reviews… only 1 star!

100. Do you wanna box for your leftovers? No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.

101. Finally my winter fat has gone… Now, I have spring rolls.

102. He looked devastated. I told him, “Don’t worry about it, champ. Pick yourself up”.

103. I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but graphing is where I draw the line.

104. I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.

105. I just got a promotion at the farm. I’m the new CIEIO.

106. I’ll never tell my accountant a joke again. He just depreciates them.

107. It hurts me to say this, but … I have a sore throat.

108. It’s because they can’t see sh!t at night.

109. My dog has no nose. How does it smell? Awful!

110. My son knocked a picture of himself off the shelf.

111. My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it. So i bought her a candle.

112. Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns. That’s just how eye roll.

113. Sore throats are a pain in the neck.

114. Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump… But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

115. What do you call a duck that‘s addicted? A quackhead.

116. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

117. What do you call a group of deaf people? I don’t know. But it is definitely not heard.

118. What do you call a zombie’s butt? Deadass

119. What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.

120. What do you call Batman when he’s hurt? Bruised Wayne.

121. What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? Are you having a Crisis?

122. What is the opposite of ladies fingers? Mentos

123. What’s a computer’s favorite snack? Microchips!

124. When my wife is depressed I let her color in my tattoos. She just wants a shoulder to crayon.

125. When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?

126. Where do pancakes rise? In the yeast.

127. Why are skeletons such bad liars? You can see right through them.

128. Why did the spoon come to the party dressed as a knife? The invitation said to look sharp.

129. Why do old plumbers only clean sewer lines during the day?

130. Why do vampires have no friends? They suck.

131. Why is it a bad idea to iron a four leaf clover? Because you shouldn’t press your luck!

132. Can February March? No, but April May!

133 to 177 Best Dad Jokes

133. How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.

134. How Do Fish Get High? Seaweed

135. How do vampires start letters? Tomb it may concern.

136. How do you catch a whole school of fish? With bookworms.

137. How does a squid go into battle? Well-Armed

138. How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.

139. I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible. Because I am an eighth-theist.

140. I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.

141. I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast. Why? I guess I’m just a bit slow.

142. If those dad jokes got you laughing off your seats, then the next set is bound to please. If you are a father who has children, whether that be young or old, rest assured that these next jokes will give you enough ammunition at your child’s birthday party or graduation.

143. My new sweater had a problem with static so I returned it. They gave me a new one free of charge.

144. My wife wants me to blow air on her whenever she overheats, but honestly… … I’m not a fan.

145. Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.

146. What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.

147. What do you call a sad strawberry? A blue strawberry.

148. What do you call bees that produce milk? Boo-Bees

149. What is the fastest growing city in the world? Capital of Ireland. It’s Dublin everyday.

150. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality

151. What’s the difference between a dad joke and a bad joke? The direction the first letter faces.

152. When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.

153. Where did the cat go after losing its tail? To the retail store.

154. Whether that leaves a long-lasting impression for the right reasons all depends on the delivery. But having a good dad joke is already half the battle won.

155. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.

156. Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.

157. Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.

158. Why does Waldo wear stripes? He doesn’t want to be spotted.

159. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many Cheetahs

160. Why don’t you buy things with Velcro? It’s a rip-off.

161. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!

162. How do you define a farmer? Someone who is good in their field.

163. How do you make Lady Gaga mad? Poke her face.

164. I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.

165. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

166. I lost an electron. Are you positive?

167. I used to run a dating service for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet.

168. I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex so I can have watch dogs.

169. I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.

170. If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?

171. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.

172. If prisoners could take their own mug shots…They’d be called cellfies.

173. Should you have your whole family for Thanksgiving dinner? No, you should just stick with turkey.

174. The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

175. This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

176. What did the plumber say to the singer? Nice pipes.

177. What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.

178 to 217 Best Dad Jokes

178. What do houses wear? An address.

179. What do you call a man named David without an ID? Dav.

180. What do you call a mountain of cats? Meow-tain.

181. What do you call someone who loves reading? A book keeper.

182. What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.

183. What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.

184. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree!

185. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

186. What’s an astronaut’s favorite candy? A Mars bar.

187. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

188. Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you! You have my Word!

189. Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.

190. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

191. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.

192. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands

193. Why was the broom late for work? It over-swept.

194. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.

195. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.

196. I have a clean conscience—it’s never been used.

197. I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

198. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day – but I couldn’t find any.

199. Knock knock. Who’s there? Déja. Déja who? Knock knock.

200. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much since I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”

201. They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now! Wait…

202. Two aerials get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.

203. Want to hear a pizza joke? Nahhh, it’s too cheesy!

204. Went to the corner shop – bought four corners

205. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”

206. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.

207. What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I’m dressing.

208. What do you call a bear with no teeth A gummy bear!

209. What do you call a dog that’s been run over by a steamroller? Spot!

210. What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

211. What do you call malware on a Kindle? A bookworm.

212. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

213. What is the opposite of a croissant? A happy uncle.

214. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

215. Why did the ghost go to rehab? He was addicted to boos.

216. Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends? Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

217. You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he’s a Catholic converter.