110 Best Father’s Day Jokes

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Get here the list of some best father’s day jokes.

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1. A man walks into the doctor’s office with a frog on his head. The doctor says, “what seems to be the problem?” and the frog says, “I woke up this morning with this growth on my butt!”

2. Dad said I must have been born upside down because my nose runs and my feet smell.

3. I asked my dad about my inheritance. He showed me a stack of unpaid bills and said, “one day, son, all this will be yours.”

4. I asked my dad what we were having for dinner, and he said, “whatever you’re making”…it wouldn’t have been so bad, but I was on the toilet at the time.

5. I was doing my geography homework, and I asked my dad, “Where are the Andes?” and he said, “At the end of your armies.”

6. My dad is making his famous stir-fry surprise for dinner. The surprise is he gets it delivered.

7. My dad loves going to the gym. The café there does the best Frappuccino’s.

Read: Best Easter Jokes

8. My dad said he wanted wine for fathers day. Next year we’re just getting him a card cos me and my sister have been whining all day, and he didn’t appreciate it.

9. My dad told me I looked just like him when he was younger. I said, “wow, what happened?” and he said, “you.”

10. My dad was pulled over by the cops for speeding. The cop asked, “do you know how fast you were going?” and my dad said, “slower than you.”

11. My dad went to the doctor because he felt like a pair of curtains. The doctor told him to pull himself together.

12. What did the sea say to the sand? Nothing, it just waved.

13. What do seals use to keep their fur straight? A sea-lion (seal iron)

14. What do you call a man wearing a paper suit? Russel.

15. What nut makes a great partition? A wall nut.

16. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

17. Why does it smell at the beach? ‘Cos the seaweed.

18. An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar, and the barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

19. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? “You follow the fresh prints.”

20. How many ears did cowboys have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the frontier.

21. I asked my dad if he wanted an orange, but he said it didn’t sound appealing.

22. I prefer to tell my jokes in an elevator because they work on many levels.

23. I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

24. My dog’s really ill, I asked him how he felt, and he said, “Ruff.”

25. My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

26. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

27. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? “They’re both Paris sites.”

28. What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no idea.

29. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no head? Dead.

30. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

31. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? “Sofishticated.”

32. What do you get if you cross a parrot with Godzilla? I don’t know, but if he asks for a cracker, give him one

33. What kind of food is the most musical? Pop corn.

34. What kind of tree has branches but no leaves? A family tree.

35. What type of spoon is the most dangerous? A salt spoon.

36. What’s the difference between ice cream and your advice? I want the ice cream.

37. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

38. Where do pirates go to exercise? To the Jim, lad!

39. Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? “In case they get a hole in one!”

40. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.’

41. Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

42. Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.

43. How does the moon cut his hair? “Eclipse it.”

44. I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.

45. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.

46. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.

47. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? “Pilgrims.”

48. What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? “Where’s Pop Corn?”

49. What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”

50. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”

51. What did the ocean say to the beach? “Nothing, it just waved.”

52. What did the zero say to the eight? “That belt looks good on you.”

53. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? “A satisfactory.”

54. What does a sprinter eat before a race? “Nothing, they fast!”

55. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? “I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.”

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56. Where do fruits go on vacation? “Pear-is!”

57. Where do you learn to make a banana split? “Sundae school.”

58. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? “Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.”

59. Dad, can you put my shoes on? “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”

60. Dad, can you put the cat out? “I didn’t know it was on fire.”

61. Dad, did you get a haircut? “No, I got them all cut!”

62. How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.

63. How do you make 7 even? “Take away the s.”

64. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.

65. How does a taco say grace? “Lettuce pray.”

66. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

67. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

68. I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.

69. I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.

70. I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.

71. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

72. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.

73. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!

74. What do you call a poor Santa Claus? “St. Nickel-less.”

75. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? “A meltdown.”

76. What does a bee use to brush its hair? “A honeycomb!”

77. What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? “Yellow!”

78. What has more letters than the alphabet? “The post office!”

79. What kind of car does an egg drive? “A yolkswagen.”

80. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

81. Where do boats go when they’re sick? “To the boat doc.”

82. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

83. Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!

84. Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain? “It didn’t have the guts.”

85. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.

86. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

87. Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.

88. Do you wanna box for your leftovers? “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”

89. Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist.

90. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

91. I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

92. I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.

93. I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn’t concentrate.

94. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…

95. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.

96. I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.

97. I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.

98. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

99. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

100. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

101. It takes guts to be an organ donor.

102. Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.

103. That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.

104. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.

105. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

106. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

107. What’s the best smelling insect? “A deodor-ant.”

108. When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?

109. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent.

110. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.