82 Best Valentine’s Day Jokes

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If you are looking for some jokes on the occasion of valentine’s day, then here is the list of some best Valentine’s Day Jokes for you.

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1. I once fell in love with someone who only knew 4 vowels. They didn’t know I existed.

2. I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned.

3. If he doesn’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.

4. How can you get arrested on Valentine’s Day? “For stealing someone’s heart.”

5. How can you tell when a squirrel is in love? “It goes nuts!”

6. How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? “He gave her a ring!”

Read: Best Father’s Day Jokes

7. What did one bee say to the other? “I love bee-ing with you, honey!”

8. What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine’s Day? “I love you berry much.”

9. What did one oar tell the other oar? “This is so row-mantic!”

10. What did one volcano say to the other? “I lava you.”

11. What did one watermelon say to the other?” “You’re one in a melon!”

12. What did the calculator say to the pencil? “You can count on me.”

13. What did the cucumber say to the pickle? “You mean a great dill to me.”

14. What did the ghost say to his valentine? “You look so BOOtiful.”

15. What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb? “You light my world up.”

16. What did the paper clip say to the magnet? “I find you very attractive.”

17. What did the scientist say to her valentine? “I think of you periodically.”

18. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? “I’m stuck on you!”

19. What do farmers give for Valentine’s Day? “Lots of hogs and kisses.”

20. What do you call a Valentine’s Day gift that didn’t arrive time? “Choco-late.”

21. What do you call a very small Valentine? “A valen-tiny.”

22. What do you call two birds in love? “Tweethearts!”

23. What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card? “Be my Valen-slime!”

24. What’s Cupid’s favorite band? “Kiss!”

25. Why did the husband get his wife a kitten for Valentine’s Day? “He thought it was the purrfect present.

26. Why did the sheriff lock up their valentine? “She stole their heart.”

27. Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards? “His heart wasn’t in it.”

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28. How did the coin propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a jingle.

29. How much candy do you hope to get this Valentine’s Day? “A choco-LOT!”

30. Knock knock. “Who’s there?” “Olive.” “Olive who?” “Olive you!”

31. Knock, knock. “Who’s there?” “Bea.” “Bea who?” “Bea my Valentine!”

32. Knock, knock. “Who’s there?” “Butch, Jimmy and Joe.” “Butch, Jimmy, and Joe who?” “Butch your arms around me, Jimmy a kiss, and let’s Joe.”

33. Knock, knock. “Who’s there?” “Disguise.” “Disguise who?” “Disguise is your boy friend!”

34. Knock, knock. “Who’s there?” “Howard.” “Howard who?” “Howard you like a big kiss?”

35. Knock, knock. “Who’s there?” “Peas.” “Peas who?” “Peas be mine!”

36. What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine’s Day? “You’re purr-fect for me.”

37. What did one flame say to another on Valentine’s Day? “We’re a perfect match.”

38. What did one Hershey’s bar say to the other who arrived long past their date time? “You’re choco-late.”

39. What did one sheep say to the other on February 14? “I love ewe.”

40. What did the love-obsessed candle say when it was lit? “I found the perfect match!”

41. What do you call a colorful heart that loves books? “Well-red.”

42. What Valentine’s message can you find in a honeycomb? “Bee mine.”

43. Which new Taylor Swift tune is the best couple’s song for two ghosts to share? “Invisible String.”

44. Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day? A calendar.

45. Why are artichokes so beloved? They’re known for their hearts.

46. “Do you want to hang out on Valentine’s Day and eat small, Middle Eastern fruits?” “It’s a date.”

47. How can you save money on Valentine’s gifts? Become single.

48. How did one Bloody Mary share their strong feelings with another? “Olive you.”

49. How did one drum tell the other about its feelings? “My heart beats for you.”

50. How did the cashew share its feelings with the almond? “I’m nuts about you.”

51. How did the orca ask the other to be their Valentine? “Whale you be mine?” Why did the magnet hit on the refrigerator? He found her to be very attractive.

52. How did the tennis ball flirt with the racquet? By saying, “Hit me up!”

53. How did the two prunes confirm dinner plans? They said it was a date.

54. How did the vegetable politely ask for a date? “Peas be my Valentine.”

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55. How do sheep share their feelings with each other? By saying, “I love ewe.”

56. I am dating someone who works at a zoo. He’s a keeper.

57. If you’re female and single on Valentine’s Day, you can entertain yourself by running into restaurants and shouting “I knew I’d find you here, bastard!”

58. Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

59. What are insects called when they’re dating? Lovebugs.

60. What did one cantaloupe write to the other in their Valentine’s card? “You’re one in a melon!”

61. What did one cappuccino say to their shy crush? “Espresso yourself.”

62. What did one piece of toast say to the other? “You’re my butter half!”

63. What did the baker say to his wife on V-Day? “Gimme some sugar!”

64. What did the pickle say to the other on Valentine’s Day? “You’re a big dill to me.”

65. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? “I’m stuck on you.”

66. What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine’s Day? “Lovesick.”

67. What do you call two sparrows who just got engaged? “Lovebirds.”

68. What is it called when your aunt went off to get married on V-Day? Antelope.

69. What kind of flowers shouldn’t you gift your girlfriend? Cauliflowers.

70. What message is on candy hearts for cats? “You’re purr-fect!”

71. What’s a cutesy love term that can also be orange and delicious? “Crush.”

72. What’s the best recipe for a perfect morning on February 14? A hug and a quiche.

73. What’s the most romantic ship? Courtship.

74. When do bed bugs fall in love? In the spring.

75. Where did the high-heel take its date? To the football.

76. Why couldn’t the mineral water ever get a Valentine? All of his friendships were so pla-tonic.

77. Why did all the other fruit ask the banana to be their Valentine? She was very a-peel-ing.

78. Why did the dad approve of his daughter’s goalie-boyfriend? He was a real keeper.

79. Why did the skeleton break up with her boyfriend before Valentine’s Day? Her heart wasn’t in it.

80. Why didn’t the two dogs make serious Valentine’s Day plans? It was just puppy love.

81. Why do air fresheners love Valentine’s Day? They’re so scent-imental.

82. Why were the forks disappointed on Valentine’s Day? All they wanted to do was spoon.